Bliss …

I know this might just start to sound boring … but it's been another beautiful day today, going for another wonderful hike up a mountain called Gerzkopf. The Gerzkopf area is a Nature Reserve, a really unique landscape of high-elevation spruce forests, bog forests and mires. The raised bog areas up on top of the mountain are especially impressive: all covered with low shrubs like mountain pine, blueberries and heather, the summit offers a 360° panoramic view of the surrounding mountain ranges, their highest peaks being reflected in the waters of the so-called Schwarze Lacke (black lakes) on the very top of it, lying there like huge oval mirrors in the middle of the marshland. The scent of the mountain pine is so intense in the sun, it smells like somebody ran a giant bath filled with pine needle bubble bath, absolutely overwhelming. Somehow all scents seem to be intensified in this clear clean mountain air. Or maybe it's just that all sensorial perceptions are intensified up here, I don't know. The view again was breathtaking beyond description. Again, taking it all in, I felt so aware of the presence of something, something divine, beyond all this beauty … whatever one wants to call it … creation, God, some kind of universal energy. Grace. Peace. All-embracing love. I have no words for it. But it's pure, strong presence fills me with energy and a deep gratitude for this life.

On our way down we stopped at a sheperd's hut, contemplating the sounds of nature and the somewhat 'boisterous quietness' of the mountains with Bernhard, the shepherd, sitting in between sheep instead of cows for a change. The trail leading downwards was a narrow footpath leading through most bizzare woods and moorland, looking strangely unreal, like some kind of enchanted wonderland. I could have gone on and on, forever walking under these tangly trees, breathing this aromatic air, picking blueberries and cranberries, raspberries and mushrooms, forgetting time and space like a lost child in one of the Grimm's fairy tales.

Coming back to the lodge after this most impressive walking-tour I needed to be by myself. I went down to the brook, trying to collect my thoughts, considering the wonder and beauty of all I have seen and experienced over these past few days. It is all so overwhelming if you're really attentive to what's there around you. One has to walk with the eyes wide open, mindful to the beauty of the world, trying to see everything that is there. We tend to become blind to what is around us too easily, getting used to things, taking them for granted instead of being aware of the small wonders of the world. Seeing the young in the old, the rich in the poor, the beauty in the plain. Sitting there by the water I felt like I was about to burst with happiness, unable to speak about it, unable to share with the others for fear of not finding the right words, as if trying to talk about it might break the charm, spoil the bliss. I felt so close to the group, so much at ease in their company and at the same time totally detached and separate. It was a positive feeling though. Very strange.

Later we went to spend the evening at a friend's place in a tiny village nearby, dining outside, against the terrific backdrop of the sun setting over the Dachstein mountain range. What a view – and yet it was only the 'prelude' to the real sensation to come: the cloudless starry sky! As everything else up here it was just immense. We had a new moon only a couple of days ago so the night was quite dark, making even the most nondescript stars shine brightly. Such a huge amount of stars, I felt all giddy looking up, like my head was spinning, like everything was in motion, like the sky was about to explode. The Milky Way was so clearly visible, it really looked like a broad road paved with diamonds.

I couldn't stop looking at this sky. I still can't. Sitting here on my little balcony in the immense darkness of the mountains, writing by the light of a single candle, I can hear the bats flying by. They are almost noiseless except for the high pitched sound they make every now and then, catching moths or midges, mere silhouettes against the vast blackness of the sky. I think of my friends and loved ones … and as if to acknowledge these thoughts, two shooting stars come down right in front of me, like some celestial sign or greeting … what a night! Those countless, silent stars, orchestrated by the neverending brawl of the brook flowing beneath, reflecting the starlight in it's water.

I try to store all this somewhere deep inside myself, to take it with me when I leave, filling me with peace and quiet energy when I'm back to the bleak prospects of the city. I wish I could forever fill my heart with this beauty, make it immune to the dark thoughts, the grief, the panic eventually arising back home.

Fear my coming sadness … fill my heart with gladness …