I’m loving this summer. Not that it’s remarkable in any way, it’s just one of these half-hearted summers, somewhat undecided. One week you’re melting, the next you’re freezing your ass off. I must admit I do not even know what I love about it, other than ... umm... everything?
Haha – I know this doesn’t make any sense but it’ll have to do. Fact is, I have no explanation. Maybe summer is really just an extra in all this, maybe I’m just loving this life right now, summer or not. Yeah, I guess that’s it ... I’m so in love with life, with the cosmos, with everything. I’m happy! (Cheesy, I know ... but couldn't care less).
Yep, in spite of the occasional pain and sadness, the struggle and doubts I temporarily give in to, what I fall back on, again and again – and what seems to be a much more natural condition – is happiness ... soulfulness, joie de vivre ... a simple, accepting, all-embracing joy. Finding beauty in the little things ... in simplicity, in the seemingly boring, the plain, the unspectacular ... so sublime.
For me, reconnecting with nature is usually the key. I am not much of an indoors person. As much as I can lose myself in a book or in front of the computer at times, I find to be true what Charles Eisenstein says in „The Ascent of Humanity“ (http://www.ascentofhumanity.com) – that „the more I come to live in those artificial realities, the more separate I become from the inherently fascinating realm of nature and self…“.
Turning too „indoor-centered“, I normally start feeling discontent, bored and unhappy after a while. Things that started out being fun or some simple diversion – doing stuff on the computer, surfing the internet, watching movies, reading books – they end up being more or less dissatisfying and unfulfilling if pursued over any length of time.
As soon as I step out of the door though, I feel those tensions lighten up. My worries fall off me, to an amazing degree. Going for a walk – taking a deep breath, paying full attention to my senses – is often the best remedy against getting too caught up in my own head.
It’s where beauty happens …
Like last week, when I almost forced myself out the door, going for a walk in the twilight, expecting nothing but a bit of fresh air. But there I stood ... watching the sky blend into the lake, concertedly melting into shades of pastel, consuming the horizon in their pairing ... completely in awe! All boundaries vanished as the glassy surface of the water turned into a giant kaleidoscope, a magic mirror, duplicating and distorting the indistinct reflections of clouds and trees, boats and birds, street lights and landing stages, creating something new – pure color and shape, void of any meaning – volatile beauty.
The falling darkness transformed everything once again, one by one the colors fell away, turning from violet to blue, from grey to black, shapes shifting into silhouettes.
Sitting by the nocturnal lake, I suddenly found myself shrouded by a blanket of scent and sound ... the spicy smell of the damp, dewy meadows ... the quirky cacophony of countless frogs quaking away on the water lilies ... myriads of fireflies shimmering and dancing amidst the dark silhouettes of the tall wild grasses, like little fairy lanterns, so enchanting. (Come to think about it, I don’t think I have ever seen this many fireflies before, there is an abundance of them this summer, they must be loving this humid heat...)
Beauty seems to find me wherever I go and whatever I do lately ... it’s stunning at times ... like that triple rainbow the other day – another thing I’ve never seen before. It started out as a plain, yet huge and intensely lush, rainbow – beautiful to look at. I stopped under a tree to watch it rise ... its bright colors against the daunting, dark grey sky ... the sunlight tinting the trees a glaring yellow-green ... oh, grace and wonder. Standing there in the rain, I suddenly noticed a second rainbow forming right on top of the first one, spanning the whole valley. They were the biggest, brightest rainbows I had ever seen, breathtakingly beautiful, almost unreal. I couldn’t stop staring at them, all abuzz with fascination and awareness ... and then a third rainbow appeared, in a little distance to the first two ones, partly overlapping with them.
It’s impossible to describe the beauty of that moment, the intensity of that natural phenomenon, and how it touched me. It filled me with such a deep gratitude, sensation on every possible level, bringing a peace and contentment far beyond the satisfaction that comes with the somewhat entertaining but more shallow distractions of „indoor life“, the more labored, forced amusements I sometimes seek.
„Happiness is only real when being shared“, somebody said. My first impulse was to agree, but I’m not so sure anymore. I guess it can be real even when experienced all alone. Happiness has to come first, it must be real first, for me to develope a desire to share it, right? Sharing it can sure magnify and enhance it to some extent, but my ability to really experience it – to feel it – depends directly on me being connected and not separate from my self. If I am, if I am truly whole, happiness comes as a natural condition ... it’s only from there that I can share. Taking it a step further – maybe the truth is that whenever we’re really connected, in harmony with the universe, radiating that „inner bling“ – whatever we feel, we become – and in that, we cannot NOT share!
"Amen" ... haha!
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